Thursday, 25 July 2013

The complexities of relationships.

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When I was in my teens and early 20's, even late 20's to be honest, I lapped up any attention from the opposite sex - that is only because I rarely got any so when it came along I was all over it. Tragic. It is funny how you change when you get older and more settled. Now I am with someone that I see a future with I find anyone who is giving me too much attention annoying. I really don't mean that to sound big headed because, please believe me when I say I am not fighting them off! I think what I am trying to say is that I don't have the energy for all the things that are involved in getting to know someone new. All the texting back and forth, the worrying, the wishin, the hoping...for calls, texts, is thoroughly exhausting! Then, after all that, you still don't know if they will be right for you. Nine times out of ten they won't fit your ideal at all and you are left to start again. It is like a never ending game of snakes and ladders.
At my age it is even harder. Most people are relatively newly married, they might be thinking about starting a family or planning their lives. If you find someone who is the same age and single, chances are they have a fairly substancial history and perhaps some baggage (I hate that word). Now, I know this is a personal thing, but I hate the thought of being with someone who has been married or in a super long term relationship. Having said that though, I would hate to think that someone wouldn't be with me because of that. I just get super insecure and worried. I have been cheated on in the past and I think that has changed an awful lot of things for me, especially the way I look at relationships.
I would hate someone to have slept around a lot. That would be a deal breaker for me. It would scream 'wandering eye' and 'womaniser'. But at the same time no one has lived perfectly, and when we are younger we really don't consider what may weigh us down in the future. I have a few regrets and I am sure we all do.
Things get more complicated as you get older, but they can also be more beautiful and that is what I hold on to.

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